Well, don’t fear. I’m going to give you some ways to deal with three of most embarrassing bedroom [...]]]> There are some things that can ruin even the best screw. You know, the kind of things you dread your partner will tell all their friends about and you’ll pick up a fancy new nickname for.

Well, don’t fear. I’m going to give you some ways to deal with three of most embarrassing bedroom blunders. (Two for guys and one for girls.)

Noodle Dick:

You can’t get it up. You’ve been making out all night and she even tried giving you a strip tease and a blowjob. Close, but no cigar.

How To Deal: Relax. It’s most likely caused by something that’s going on mentally and producing a physical response. Sometimes, that’s not a terrible thing. Guilt, anxiety, or even fear can prevent you from getting it up.

If this is the case, it might take some soul-searching to figure out. Hey, maybe your dick is doing you a favor when you know you shouldn’t be messing around with this girl in the first place. Maybe you have a girlfriend, you don’t have a condom, or you don’t know her sexual health status.

If you still want to be intimate, you can always check out my blog on how to finger a girl.

But if this happens frequently and you’re afraid of having erectile dysfunction, you can try this simple trick to figure it out:

Head down to the post office and buy stamps that require you to lick the back of them in order for them to be adhesive. When you’re headed to bed, lick the stamps and place them in a ring around your penis. A healthy penis will have multiple erections during the night and cause the ring of stamps to break or fall off. If the ring is still perfectly intact in the morning, you should seek a medical health professional. If the ring is broken but you still continue to have problems, you should seek a medical health professional and a sexologist.

Queen LaQueefa:

He’s deep inside you and doing a damn fine job.  But when you let out a moan to show your appreciation, you hear an unpleasant vaginal fart accompaniment. Well sweetheart, welcome to the “I enjoy sex” club. This is initiation.

Most people are fully aware that when a man becomes sexually aroused their penis grows. However, many aren’t aware that women go through a similar process called “tenting”. At a resting state, a woman’s vagina is only 3 to 5 inches deep. But as she becomes aroused, her vagina grows and can reach 10’ inches deep when fully tented. So the better it feels, the more likely your vagina will expand to accommodate his penis and deep thrusting.

Needless to say your vagina can end up having better suction power than a Hoover.

If he is thrusting really hard, you’re aroused, and he unsuspectingly pulls out, your vagina will suck in all the air. And what goes in must unfortunately come out.

How to Deal: You can help prevent the suction by pushing out with your PC muscles and abdomen. It’s a similar move to the pushing you would use to try and deliver a baby. However, this can get a bit tiring during a long love-making session.

Another way to prevent queefing is by doing regular kegel exercises. You’ll know you’re using the right muscles if while urinating you stop and hold, and then continue urination again.

It’s still bound to happen at some point, the best way to deal with it is a little bit of humor. Guys are generally way less freaked out by it than women are. Do what you’re comfortable with, but don’t take yourself too seriously.

Quick-Dick:

Whether it’s blow jobs, hand jobs, or on the job, you feel like you come too quickly.

How To Deal:

The best way to work through this is by having a loving and understanding partner that can help you or that doesn’t mind waiting until the next time you can get it up. Not all of us are that fortunate, so here are a few ways to try to increase the time from stroke to blow.

• Try masturbating and when you feel like you’re close to coming, stop. Repeat this until you simply can’t stand it and reward yourself with an orgasm.

• Try kegels. By strengthening the PC muscles you can help control your orgasms (or at least have stronger ones). You’ll know you’re doing these properly if while you’re urinating you try it and it stops the flow, and if you release you begin urinating again.

• Try breathing, yes, breathing. It’s incredibly simple but it can help you focus your concentration on something other than your penis. It also increases blood flow and can lead to better orgasms.

• Try a numbing lube. Make sure it’s silicone based. ‘Nuff said.

• If all else fails you can try the pinch technique, though it might freak her out a bit. If you feel yourself coming, pull out and pinch the tip of your penis between the index and thumb finger of both of your hands.

Your small blunders are most likely not a serious issue and it’s okay not to treat them that way. Humor and communication can be helpful in every situation. So you came to quickly? Tell her “Baby, it’s just that I find you soooo attractive”. Can’t get it up? “I just want to please YOU tonight”. Queef during climax? “Maybe you shouldn’t have fucked me so hard”.

How do you react to those embarrassing moments? Post Below In The Comments!