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It won’t be long until Christmas; what did you get for your girlfriend? While other people are rushing around like lemmings looking to define their love in dollars, you can skip the crowds and anxiety this Christmas by trying out these alternative gifts:
The Experiential Christmas:
Lets face it. Most Christmas presents get thrown away. Why spend tons of money on clothes or DVDs that have a small life span when you could spend it on making a memory that lasts forever? (Or until you accidentally give her a concussion from trying the Italian chandelier.)
Try something that neither of you have done before like looking up a local rock-climbing gym and take a climbing lesson, or get cooking or dancing classes for the two of you. There are a lot of places that offer hands-on experiences that range from making and painting pottery to taking a winery tour and doing a tasting afterwards. Its customizable, memorable, romantic, you can avoid the box store crowds, and there’s nothing to throw away!
Something Fun For Everyone:
Sure it’s the season of giving, but why not enjoy it? Try giving her presents you both can enjoy, like the new we-vibe toy that she can use while you’re inside of her, lingerie that she looks hot in, or Rogue Brewery’s Hazelnut Brown Nectar ale. (Or if your girlfriend isn’t a beer geek like me, try tequila or another tolerable tasting booze).
Extra-Special:
If she’s a really special girl, nothing will tell her that more than something you’ve made. You didn’t just spend ten minutes at the mall picking out something in her favorite color; you really put something into it. Women find it really flattering when guys go out of their comfort zone to do something sweet. The best present I’ve ever received is a picture frame my boyfriend painted for me for my birthday. It doesn’t matter how pretty or expensive it is, it’s that you took the time to make something just for her.
The best gifts are the ones you put thought into, and she’ll know and appreciate it if you do. What would your ideal present be?
Post Below In The Comments!
There are some things that can ruin even the best screw. You know, the kind of things you dread your partner will tell all their friends about and you’ll pick up a fancy new nickname for.
Well, don’t fear. I’m going to give you some ways to deal with three of most embarrassing bedroom blunders. (Two for guys and one for girls.)
Noodle Dick:
You can’t get it up. You’ve been making out all night and she even tried giving you a strip tease and a blowjob. Close, but no cigar.
How To Deal: Relax. It’s most likely caused by something that’s going on mentally and producing a physical response. Sometimes, that’s not a terrible thing. Guilt, anxiety, or even fear can prevent you from getting it up.
If this is the case, it might take some soul-searching to figure out. Hey, maybe your dick is doing you a favor when you know you shouldn’t be messing around with this girl in the first place. Maybe you have a girlfriend, you don’t have a condom, or you don’t know her sexual health status.
If you still want to be intimate, you can always check out my blog on how to finger a girl.
But if this happens frequently and you’re afraid of having erectile dysfunction, you can try this simple trick to figure it out:
Head down to the post office and buy stamps that require you to lick the back of them in order for them to be adhesive. When you’re headed to bed, lick the stamps and place them in a ring around your penis. A healthy penis will have multiple erections during the night and cause the ring of stamps to break or fall off. If the ring is still perfectly intact in the morning, you should seek a medical health professional. If the ring is broken but you still continue to have problems, you should seek a medical health professional and a sexologist.
Queen LaQueefa:
He’s deep inside you and doing a damn fine job. But when you let out a moan to show your appreciation, you hear an unpleasant vaginal fart accompaniment. Well sweetheart, welcome to the “I enjoy sex” club. This is initiation.
Most people are fully aware that when a man becomes sexually aroused their penis grows. However, many aren’t aware that women go through a similar process called “tenting”. At a resting state, a woman’s vagina is only 3 to 5 inches deep. But as she becomes aroused, her vagina grows and can reach 10’ inches deep when fully tented. So the better it feels, the more likely your vagina will expand to accommodate his penis and deep thrusting.
Needless to say your vagina can end up having better suction power than a Hoover.
If he is thrusting really hard, you’re aroused, and he unsuspectingly pulls out, your vagina will suck in all the air. And what goes in must unfortunately come out.
How to Deal: You can help prevent the suction by pushing out with your PC muscles and abdomen. It’s a similar move to the pushing you would use to try and deliver a baby. However, this can get a bit tiring during a long love-making session.
Another way to prevent queefing is by doing regular kegel exercises. You’ll know you’re using the right muscles if while urinating you stop and hold, and then continue urination again.
It’s still bound to happen at some point, the best way to deal with it is a little bit of humor. Guys are generally way less freaked out by it than women are. Do what you’re comfortable with, but don’t take yourself too seriously.
Quick-Dick:
Whether it’s blow jobs, hand jobs, or on the job, you feel like you come too quickly.
How To Deal:
The best way to work through this is by having a loving and understanding partner that can help you or that doesn’t mind waiting until the next time you can get it up. Not all of us are that fortunate, so here are a few ways to try to increase the time from stroke to blow.
- Try masturbating and when you feel like you’re close to coming, stop. Repeat this until you simply can’t stand it and reward yourself with an orgasm.
- Try kegels. By strengthening the PC muscles you can help control your orgasms (or at least have stronger ones). You’ll know you’re doing these properly if while you’re urinating you try it and it stops the flow, and if you release you begin urinating again.
- Try breathing, yes, breathing. It’s incredibly simple but it can help you focus your concentration on something other than your penis. It also increases blood flow and can lead to better orgasms.
- Try a numbing lube. Make sure it’s silicone based. ‘Nuff said.
- If all else fails you can try the pinch technique, though it might freak her out a bit. If you feel yourself coming, pull out and pinch the tip of your penis between the index and thumb finger of both of your hands.
Your small blunders are most likely not a serious issue and it’s okay not to treat them that way. Humor and communication can be helpful in every situation. So you came to quickly? Tell her “Baby, it’s just that I find you soooo attractive”. Can’t get it up? “I just want to please YOU tonight”. Queef during climax? “Maybe you shouldn’t have fucked me so hard”.
How do you react to those embarrassing moments? Post Below In The Comments!
When I saw him yesterday he was sitting across the coffee shop hunkered over and typing with the kind of unbreakable concentration that’s only found in Buddhists and diamond cutters. His four-day scruff deteriorated at a line that wasn’t necessarily even with his Adam’s apple and then reappeared from the top of a suspiciously holey shirt. It was difficult to tell whether his rugged appearance was planned or the result of unfortunate incidence.
I’ve seen him before. He’s in every city, coffee shop, gym, and bar I’ve been to. And while his appearance may change radically from incredibly attractive to less than so, his mannerisms do not.
This guy rarely takes the lead; rather, he approaches me when we’re incidentally close. Yesterday, it was while waiting in line for my third Americano of the day. I was browsing through a copy of the Journal for any sign of hope or optimism (none was found), when he shuffled up behind me.
“You, uh, read, uh, the front page story?”
I hadn’t. Someone always takes the front page. I was shifting through sports and obits.
“No, I can’t ever seem to find the front page in here. Was it good?”
I turned around to see who was asking and as soon as I looked up his eyes darted away quickly to meet the floor. He had maintained his slumped posture and now stared downward with what seemed to be the same determination as before. My heart sank. This was going to be embarrassing for him, but I’d try to make easier. You have to give him kudos for having the balls to approach a girl. But I knew right away what the result would be with his approach, not just with me, but with any girl.
“Uh, yeah, I guess.”
(Silence as I attempted to make contact with his eyes that were still fixated on the floor.)
“I, uh, think you’re up,” he said.
After paying, I stood to the side and watched as he ordered. His shoulders remained rounded and while his head finally tilted upward to meet the level of the barista, his eyes darted from hers. She asked if a 12 oz cup would be all right and he responded the way a kicked dog or low-level intern would to it’s superior by nodding up and down like a bobble head.
As I started to walk back to my seat, I noticed him holding a paper in his hand he had scribbled on at the cash register. He increased his pace to match mine and as I turned to sit, in one seemingly choreographed motion his head and eyes sunk back down to the floor while his arm thrust towards me, paper in hand.
“Hey, you should call me, and uh, I’ll get your next coffee.”
I smiled and once again tried to meet his eyes.
“Oh, thanks, but I’m actually seeing someone and I’m not sure that would go over well. But thank you, I’m flattered.”
He shuffled back to his work and I sat there feeling sorry for him. Not because I turned him down, but because there are simple things this guy could have done to improve his success rate.
3 Game Changers;
Both men and women are attracted to those who play the “alpha” role in our society. We’ve evolved that way. We want the best in order to breed the best, to father or mother the best, and to ensure our survival. You instantly communicate a lack of confidence when you slump your shoulders, avoid eye contact, and agree with every statement someone’s saying by shaking your head up and down.
This guy would instantly increase his approval rating and his perceived confidence by simply doing three things:
Sit and stand up straight. By bringing your shoulders down and back you are emanating a look of confidence. This also gives the optical illusion that you have broader shoulders and more muscular arms, both things which women are attracted to.
Look her straight in the eyes. While this might not work in China, here in the U.S. its one of the most important ways of demonstrating attraction. If she looks back, you’ve already made the first step of communication. This breaks the ice if you’re near her, across the bar, or just walking by. More often than not, women who are looking at you from across the room are already attracted to you. And it might be partly due to your good posture. (But also note that if she happens to look in your direction, it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to go to bed with you.)
Hold your head up. One of the strongest ways a person can demonstrate power and confidence is by not moving his head a lot. When you bobble your head up and down in agreement you’re body is sending signals of inferiority. I’m not saying to pretend like you’re wearing a neck brace, but a simple nod or “yes” will do.
Had the guy shown more confidence, maybe he would’ve gotten a phone number…from someone anyways.
The second her pants are off, you’re two fingers and three knuckles deep inside her. You’re moving your hand in spastic and rapid motions. If she’s lucky, you’re getting closer to where you’ve been told the g-spot is. But it shouldn’t be this way.
That’s why I’m going to teach you where to touch her and how.
But before you can touch her nether regions, you’ve got to know the landscape and geography. The video below will show you the basic roadmap. (Be warned that your partner might have a few different roads and shortcuts, or she might even drive backwards and on the right side of the road. It just makes her exotic.)
Once you know your way around, it’s best to start hanging out with the locals. Ask your girlfriend to masturbate for you, so you can see exactly how she does it. Does she put one, two, or any fingers inside of her? How many on her clit? How fast does she move her hands? Is it in circles?
This is where a lot of guys I know get lost. Either their girlfriend has never masturbated, or isn’t comfortable doing it in front of them. Your partner needs to know what gets her off (or at least want to find out) in order for this to be helpful. If she’s in for learning, then you can explore together.
So once you’ve got the map, and an attractive tour guide, it’s time to go spelunking!
Packing for the trip (Anticipation):
There’s nothing hotter than a girl really wanting you. When it comes to fingering a girl, it makes the experience more enjoyable for the both of you. Play up the anticipation by avoiding the two hot spots (clit and g-spot) until she can’t handle it anymore.
You can do this by massaging the inner and outer lips of the vagina or the mons veneris (where pubic hair may or may not be). One of the best positions for this is pulling her to the edge of the bed where her legs can hang over. You can then kneel down to match the level of her privates. For a little more control (and to protect your nose from breaking when she bucks like a mule) wrap your arms around her legs. This gives you great access for massaging. Also if she has a pillow behind her back, it gives her a great view, all the more to get turned on by you.
Kissing up and down her thighs and licking her labia will build the anticipation and work entirely to your advantage. As the anticipation builds, you can actually watch her vagina change shapes and colors. The lips will get fuller and may even turn a darker red. The important changes are happening on the inside though. The more turned on she is, the wetter she’ll get, allowing easier penetration. Arousal also increases the size and hardness of the g-spot, making it easier for you to find.
Fingering Techniques:
Once she’s ready, you can begin massaging either her clit or her g-spot. If you’re adventurous, you might even try both. The video below will show you some suggestions on how you can go about this.
Remember that when she moans louder, it doesn’t mean go harder. Always start gentle and ask your partner what she wants along the way.
Other fun things you can do with your hands
Once you’ve got the basics down, here’s some advice on turning up the adventure
- If your partner is one of those girls who loves direct clit contact, place a huge glob of lube on your finger and place it directly on her clit. If her hood is large enough, you can slip your finger underneath it and rub in small delicate circles.
- If she’s still not used to the idea of ass play, you might be able to warm her up to the idea by touching her perineum. The small area of tissue that separates the vagina and the anus is packed with nerves and can be quite pleasurable if massaged. Start by gently caressing the lower part of her labia with a lubed thumb while you’re kissing or licking her clit. Slowly massage downward in big circles. If she likes it, she might ask you to go lower.
You’re all set now
I hope this blog puts you a few steps closer to being a sexpert. You now know the female anatomy, its most sensitive parts, how to build up her anticipation, and how to properly finger a girl. You’ve also hopefully learned what not to do. If you know other people who could use this very useful information, stock up on your good karma and spread it around.
What more do you want to know? Got and tricks or tips for the rest of us? Post below in the comments!
You’re curious and who could blame you? Her ass is totally uncharted territory. Much like the first explorers of Mount Everest, you’re anticipating the journey to either be the best of your life or fall deep into a deadly crevasse leading to your untimely death (or at least get slapped in the face).
These simple tips will help ensure the journey is a pleasurable one for her and for you.
For The Love Of (whichever deity you so choose), DO NOT:
- Go “From the stink to the pink”: This goes for your fingers, mouth, penis, or any other object. This can lead to very serious infections caused by E. Coli. Not only is it gross, it’ll lead to weeks of not getting laid while she’s taking antibiotics.
- Do it dry: Use lube. Lots and lots of lube. Let’s just be frank about this one: asses aren’t stretchy and pliable like a vagina and they don’t produce their own moisture. The flesh there is thinner, so they’re prone to tearing. This can be lessened by the use of lube, but more than just what comes with the condom. (If you’re not convinced and decide to embark on this adventure without lube, I hope your girlfriend has the guts to forcibly shove something in your ass without lube. And if she doesn’t, I’ll find you and do it for her.)
DO:
- Talk to her about it first: Communication is key. Make sure she’s comfortable with it first. The anus is a pretty good indicator of willingness, and if she’s not willing it’ll pucker tighter than the first time she tried bungee jumping. While a tight ass sounds hot in theory, it’s likely to result in pain for both of you. This step is probably the hardest part.
- Work your way up to it: Start by placing your finger on the outside of her anus and simply letting it rest there. This can add extra stimulation (especially if you’re taking her from behind) without diving right into the deep end. Once she’s comfortable with that, slowly place your finger inside of her during intercourse for a change of pace. Once you’re both comfortable, you can move on in size and depth.
Got any sexual things you’re totally anal about? Post below in the Comments!
 Photo By JordanFischer
CuCUMbers
There’s “cum” in the middle for a reason, the bumpy texture and the variety of shapes and sizes allows you to pick out a perfectly desirable dildo (but you’ll need her help of course). What could possibly spice up a trip to the grocery store more? It’s romantic, cheap, customizable, and it’s guaranteed she’ll get turned on getting off for you.
Jack be nimble, but don’t be quick
If you’ve ever been curious about her brown-eye but never had the balls to try, candles are an inexpensive way to see how she’ll react to a butt plug without wasting a ton of cash. They’re cheap, relatively small, and totally disposable. Don’t forget the lube!
More than just a toothbrush
If she turned down your morning glory, maybe you’ll still have a chance to get it on before you go to work. While she’s putting on her make-up, try putting the base of your electric toothbrush above her clit playfully. The sound and feeling will evoke a Pavlovian response to the vibrator she keeps hidden under her pillow.
Some like it hot; some like it cold
This is one of the most underrated cunnilingis tips out there, the old hot/cold game. Try sucking on an ice cube before you take the dive and switch it up every now and then with some hot tea. The temperature change will leave her screaming for more.
Couch potato
Ever thought of purchasing the liberator? Don’t be an idiot! You have a couch! Try kneeling on the floor while she spreads her legs, try bending her over it, use the arm rest as a pillow while she rides on top of you, go reverse cowgirl, have her place her legs over the back of it and 69’ with her upside down, go missionary, go sideways, have her sit facing you…. You’re a creative guy; do I need to go on?
Why Try it?
Women will find your creativity enticing and will see you as a confident and exciting partner, which will boost pleasure for both of you.
What are some creative things you’ve tried? Post below in the comments!
 “Do the alphabet with your tongue.”
“No, dude, chicks love it when you spit!”
I listen while rolling my eyes as two of my guy friends debate the finer points of going down on a girl to help Jake, one of our less experienced friends. Jake looks confused, and I can tell why.
But while some of their advice is laughable, to stop it would ruin good old fashion entertainment. It wasn’t until suckers and popsicles were brought into play that I finally interjected.
“Jake, you went straight to the A again… that’s where you’re going wrong.”
But let me back up a minute and tell you about Jake. He’s 23, decently attractive, good at sports, and according to his girlfriend, terrible at going down on her. While he wasn’t willing give us any of the details of her complaints, knowing Jake – like most all men – he probably made one of a few mistakes: he either went overboard or underboard or didn’t ask at all.
While I can’t make a blanket statement about what every woman wants or needs, it’s safe to assume the following:
Overboard
This is common in men who are eager – maybe a little too eager – to please.
Maybe they just got done reading a Maxim article on “Secret things that turn her on” and instead of building up to something new and exciting, they jump the gun and put their pinky in her ass before their tongue even makes it to her clit. Before she has the chance to slap them, their tongue is doing a variety of movements up and down her labia while their hands are tuning her nipples like an old-fashion radio. Not the best way to turn her on, mind you.
If it wasn’t their first time with this girl, she might see it as endearing and allow you to pull it off. But chances are good you just made an ass out yourself and turned her off completely.
Under-board
This mistake is equally common amongst men who aren’t as experienced. Perhaps it takes them over an hour to undress her and they’re still shaking by the time their mouth makes it anywhere near her nether regions. Instead of trying to unravel the mystery of how many licks it takes to get to the center of her pussy pop (the last time I counted it was around 47, give or take) they take a few sample licks and wrap it back up for later.
She might be angry that they didn’t do more, but most likely she’s just consumed by trying to figure out what the guy doesn’t like about her body or why she doesn’t turn him on.
“Yeah, baby, you like that?”
The best way to find out exactly what she wants is to ask her. If she’s open enough to tell you, it makes you an instant sex God. You’ll know exactly how to please her! You can even adapt your asking style to match your personality. Try a few different things and as you go along ask her if she likes it harder, softer, faster, or wetter. Or you can even ask ahead of time with something like, “Tell me exactly what you want me to do to you.”
If your girlfriend isn’t comfortable telling you verbally, you can try having her show you what she likes. Have her direct your hand, mouth, or the vibrator exactly where and how she likes it, or ask her to get off for you how she would if you weren’t there.
As corny as it sounds, the best way to improve your performance is through communication. But if you can’t manage that, at least you’ll know not to stick your pinky in her ass straight off the bat.
I mean, Maxim isn’t always right.
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