Start slowly with deep breaths. Mix in a gasp. Work your way to a moan. Wait for him to cum. Quiver and smile.

Faking it was easy.

I was a committed method actor and sex was like a porno casting call every time. Working my way down a checklist I would have “orgasms” [...]]]>

Start slowly with deep breaths. Mix in a gasp. Work your way to a moan. Wait for him to cum. Quiver and smile.

Faking it was easy.

I was a committed method actor and sex was like a porno casting call every time. Working my way down a checklist I would have “orgasms” on demand – without end.

I nailed the part.

It was easy to write off my bad behavior when I was younger – I didn’t know what orgasms were. I questioned myself, thinking “Maybe I am having one and I just can’t tell”.  If women came without question in porn, maybe they just liked sex more than I did.

But they don’t.

My first vibrator cleared away any doubt about what an orgasm felt like, but “faking it” had already went from a bad habit to a disease. Instead of dealing with my fatigue, hunger, or insecurity, I could just fake an orgasm and get on with it.

I had an “orgasm” every time we had sex, and my partner came to expect it. I couldn’t stop now, not without admitting I had lied. He would find out that we weren’t actually getting the job done, then he’d be crushed and I’d be totally embarrassed.

So I kept faking it… for years.

I was devoting my time to teaching people how to have better sex, telling clients how to be more open with their partners and how to have the sex they dreamt of. But I wasn’t taking my own advice.

It was okay, until I got my first “faker” as a client.

I heard her talk about the way it affected her, how she dreaded sex, how she was afraid of what would happen if she was honest. The only thing I could think of was “Who the fuck am I to tell this girl what to do?”.

Who was I to teach people how to have better sex?

I was open with my clients, with my readers, with my friends, but I was still lying to the people who mattered — my partner and I.

Being honest was painful, and for a long time I tried every other route.

At first I thought I could just break up with my partner. He’d never have to know and I could start clean with my next partner. It turns out that being emotionally attached to someone makes dumping them because of your own issues damn near impossible and just plain shitty.

My other option was to just ignore it.

I could have real orgasms by using a vibrator during sex. But vibrators aren’t always handy. “Sorry honey, I’ll be able to cum in a minute, I’ve just got to change the batteries”.

I’d fake it when I didn’t have a vibrator, so I’d try my damnedest to make sure I did.

No matter how much I tried, sex still wasn’t satisfying – but only because I had made it that way. If there wasn’t a vibrator around, or I was in unique circumstances, I fell back to acting out my orgasms.

It was a proximity bias. The issue was too close to home. I could tell YOU how to stop faking it. I could tell YOU how to diversify your orgasms, but when I came home at night, I was ignoring my own advice.

It wasn’t just a vibrator I needed, but honesty (like my love for the new and taboo) in the bedroom. Thinking that maybe someday, eventually, my partner would find by surprise that it takes a vibrator and “taboos” to get me off was a short lived dream.

My own voice echoed in my head, “Your orgasm is YOUR responsibility”.

My cowardice was only making things worse.

My partner would think he caused my orgasm, and of course do the same thing again because I encouraged it. Faking it essentially trains your partner how not to please you.

I was depressed, needy, unable to communicate, and the guilt left me totally orgasmless.

Neither of us was doing anything differently, and we eventually broke up.

Fast forward through 5 months of soul searching, surfing, and finally learning some hobbies I’d been putting off, I found myself at a new place.

I was honest.

I learned I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know if I want to go out with you next tuesday, but if you ask me then, I’ll have a better idea.

My orgasms are tricky, but if you throw me a curve ball and make sure my clit is happy, we might get lucky – and I’m okay with that.

My partner and I worked things out. We slowly eased back into a relationship, but we had some new rules.

Mine was that I wasn’t going to lie about my orgasms anymore, and in order to do that, I had to come clean about my past. Something I’d been afraid of for over 2 years.

What would he do? Jump ship and leave? Be humiliated and hurt?

It didn’t matter, it couldn’t be worse than dreading sex again.

“Hey, … is it a good time to talk?”

He was away on a trip. After a few years of waiting, I was willing to do it over the phone.

“Listen, if we’re coming clean and going to do this right, I’ve got to tell you something I’m really embarrassed about. I’ve got a lot of guilt built up over it, but it’s really important to me to go back into this with a clean slate.”

I hear hesitation on the phone. I imagine what’s running through his head. With a build up like that he’s probably thinking it’s terrible, like I slept with his brother, or I’ve contracted an STI over our 5 month break.

“Our sex in the past was great in a lot of ways. I really appreciated the attention you gave me and how much love and work we put in together, but I wasn’t honest about the results. Sometimes, I would become self conscious, or distracted, or we wouldn’t have a vibrator, and I knew I wasn’t going to have an orgasm, so I faked it. I was trying to make it satisfying for you, but I’ve realized it was just dishonest and stupid. I’m sorry for being dishonest, and if we’re going to do this again, and make it work, you had to know”.

I was waiting for a click and the sound of a dial tone, but instead I heard a reassuring voice.

My partner told me we would work on it. That we would do whatever it took to make things work. He’s stood by it ever since and I’ve been honest about my orgasms and how to achieve them.

If something’s not working, I say so. My partner and I both know it’s not someone’s fault. It’s not his job to make me come and sometimes the equation doesn’t work out quite right and I just can’t.

And it’s okay.

Don’t get me wrong, it can be frustrating as hell. Six positions, half a bottle of lube, and a new set of batteries later, sometimes I just give up.

I’m hungry, tired, and at this point it feels more like trying to disarm a nuclear warhead than getting fucked. But damn, one of those situations every now and then is a whole lot better than lying.

When you fake it, you lie to your partner, but also to yourself.

You’re saying, “I can’t have an orgasm. I can’t be honest about how it actually feels. I don’t deserve to have better. I can’t come clean now”.

Well if you’re like me, then we’re god-damned liars.

And if this sounds like you, or possibly your partner, it’s time to knock it off.

Here’s how.

If you’re the one faking it:

Come clean.

Right now, admit to yourself that you’ve been dishonest. Take out a pencil and paper, and write down what you need to tell your partner. I recommend the following format.

• Use “I”, not “you”, statements. “I’ve been feeling ______, because I haven’t been honest with you.
• Keep it positive. Mention what did work or feel good. “I really appreciate when we”, “I enjoy this about it”.
• Explain yourself. “I wanted to make you feel good”, “I wanted our sex to be perfect”
• Take responsibility. “I realized that it was dishonest”
• Tell them what YOU are doing to make things better. “I’d like to use a vibrator, I think it’ll really help me”.

If you think your partner is faking it:

Stop it.

No really, stop it. When you’re focused on your partners orgasm, you’re bound to make things worse.

• Don’t set expectations by saying things like “I’m going to make you come”.
• Don’t ask if your partner came. By asking “Did I make you come” you’re setting them up to lie about it if they didn’t.
• Focus on asking questions that require specific feedback. Instead of asking “Yeah, do you like that?”, ask “Do you want it harder or softer?”, “What depth feels good?”, etc.

For anyone who whats to have better sex:

After a good sex session there’s usually a natural rest period. You cuddle up, try not to drip sweat on each other, and wait for someone to break the silence.

Use this time for a “post-game debrief”. Make it a rule to only mention what worked well.

Sex can be one of the best stress relievers, relationship builders, and hobbies of all time.

Being honest keeps it that way.

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Did you (or have you) come clean with your partner?  Post below in the comments!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Have Questions? Leave them in the comments and I’ll respond as soon as I can!

Take a peek at my sex chest

Vibrator(s):

This tool gets [...]]]> Every carpenter has a tool belt, every warrior a weapon, and every sexual finesse entrepreneur a “sex chest”. Today, I’m giving away all of my special tools and letting you look at my sex chest (not to be confused with sexy chest). Let the fun begin.

Take a peek at my sex chest

Vibrator(s):

This tool gets the most use. Actually, this isn’t just one tool — it’s three. I have a long Doc Johnson vibrator that I use when I’m masturbating at home and during intercourse. I have a Lelo vibe that is egg shaped and perfectly contours with my pelvic bone. This one doesn’t vibrate like a jackhammer, so it’s quieter and more petite for when I’m feeling more feminine. Lastly, I have a tiny bullet vibe. It’s tiny and practically silent. Its size is both good and bad.  I use it to get off in my car or hide in my purse for travel. This also means I have no idea where it is right now.

Condoms:

If sex were a battle (which it is), these would be my armor. Not only are the great for protecting against sexually transmitted infections; they’re perfect for slipping over sex toys so that they can be shared. They can also be filled with water and left in the freezer to make ice dildos (caution: doing this can be dangerous. Be sure to leave the condom on during use and to wash it before you insert it to avoid your vagina sticking to your new toy like your tongue would to a pole on a frozen day).

Rubber Gloves:

These can be used for dental dams, balloon animals, or wearing while you clean the bathroom.

Lube(s):

An attractive woman once told me, “too much lube is almost enough.” It’s a rule to live by. I usually have at least two types of lubes handy, one is specifically selected for the not-so-terrible taste it has when I’m giving blowjobs, the other is a slightly thicker gel lube that doesn’t dry up easily with prolonged fucking. Both are water-based so that they don’t damage the condoms, both are fairly cheap.

Dildo(s):

A cure-all for those hard to reach g-spots, out of town or not putting out partners, and an aid for when his wrist nearly falls off. They’re hot to use with or without someone and if you buy a ceramic one like mine, they’re temperature sensitive and can be pleasurably cold to the touch.

Bondage Tape:

Not everyone wants to have bondage straps hanging out from under their bed (I’m not one of those people). Bondage tape isn’t actually tape at all, it’s a vinyl feeling material that sticks to itself and not your skin. It wouldn’t suffice for Houdini if he were into BDSM, but it’ll get the job done. The best part is it’s reusable and fairly cheap. You get to choose how much to use and where. Wrists, ankles, elbows, knees, you name it!

Towel:

The sex I have can be very messy and I like being able to sleep in clean sheets afterwards.

What’s in your sex chest? Post Below in the Comments.

You’re watching TV when an olive skinned brunette appears on the screen. She’s breathing heavily. Your child’s eyes are shielded by your hands. Whether it’s acknowledged or not, you want what she’s selling. It’s not the shampoo, it’s the pleasure.

These days there are a lot of myths floating around about orgasms and pleasure. How these [...]]]>

You’re watching TV when an olive skinned brunette appears on the screen. She’s breathing heavily. Your child’s eyes are shielded by your hands. Whether it’s acknowledged or not, you want what she’s selling. It’s not the shampoo, it’s the pleasure.

These days there are a lot of myths floating around about orgasms and pleasure. How these myths came to be doesn’t matter now. You no longer have an excuse to not know the truth, because this blog is going to break down orgasm fact and myth.

Take This Quiz To Find The Orgasm Myths:

Answer True or False

1. There is something wrong if a woman is unable to reach orgasm.  _______
2. Typically women reach orgasm through intercourse.  _______
3. Anorgasmia, or the inability to orgasm means a woman is “cold” or “frigid” or that there is something seriously wrong with her relationship. _________
4. If a woman cannot reach orgasm, then her partner is not a skillful lover. _______
5. A woman/man has to have an orgasm in order to enjoy sex. _______
6. A person must have an orgasm to feel sexually satisfied. _______
7. Vaginal orgasms are better than clitoral orgasms. ________
8. A circumcised penis decreases a woman’s ability to experience orgasm. ______
9. Condoms affect a woman’s ability to orgasm. _______
10. The larger the penis, the greater the chance of female orgasm. _______
11. Females can’t ejaculate. _______
12. The G-spot doesn’t exist. _________
13. Men and Women instinctually know how to please their lovers. __________
14. Only women fake orgasms. ________
15. Women need to orgasm to enjoy themselves. ________
16. Women’s sexual feelings and desires are not as strong as men’s. _________
17. Most women don’t masturbate. _________
18. Men are always ready and willing to have sex. _________
19. Sex with a male requires an erection. _________
20. Sex with a male is over when he comes. _________
21. All orgasms are “explosive, mind-blowing, and earth-shattering.” For both men and women.  _________
22. People in relationships don’t masturbate. _________

Don’t scroll down until you’re done, the answers are below.

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Answers:

1: False, many women never achieve orgasm and still lead healthy, satisfied, sexual lives.

2: False, only 30% of women are able to orgasm vaginally. Of those 30% even less are able to show their partners how to make them orgasm this way.

3: False, see #1.

4: False, it takes tons and tons of practice to be able to achieve an orgasm with a partner. This can be helped by communication, practice, and bringing yourself to orgasm if wanted.

5: False, many men and women enjoy sex without having an orgasm. This can happen frequently or infrequently and is not abnormal.

6: False, sex happens in many ways and many forms. People can be satisfied with or without an orgasm.

7: False or True, Every orgasm depends on the person, for some women this might feel like the case, for others it is not. It is more common for women to be able to climax via the clitoris, but that doesn’t mean its better or worse.

8: False, circumcision can lead to more friction in some cases, which simply requires using more lubricant. Circumcision has never been correlated to increased or decreased orgasms.

9: False, Condoms do not affect women’s ability to orgasm. But the added variety it brings with shapes sizes and flavors has been discussed many times with my friends.

10: False, The G-Spot usually sits only 1-2 inches inside of the vagina, making penis size irrelevant. This is especially true in combination with the fact that most women climax clitorally.

11: False, Women can ejaculate too! Not all of them, but on occasion a females can secrete a wet substance that might make them feel like they’re peeing. Don’t worry, it’s not urine.

12: False … kind of, Most women have an erogenous zone located 1-2 inches inside of the vagina. Some do not. Don’t be frustrated if you can’t find it, explore your body and vagina for other places that feel good, and appreciate what you find!

13: False, it takes communication and practice. We may instinctually know how to hump things, but that doesn’t mean it’ll feel good.

14: False, a variety of surveys taken have shown that men fake orgasms too. While its less frequent than women, its more frequent than most people would think!

15: False, See #1.

16: False, Overall, women want sex just as badly as men.

17: False, I’d like to be the example case of this.

18: False, The male libido fluctuates just as much as the female, however, the male libido seems to decrease more as he ages while the female seems to increase with her increased comfortability and experience.

19: False, Oral sex, fingering, and caressing are just a few options.

20: False, see #19.

21: False, Orgasms can feel light as a feather or as explosive as dynamite. Each orgasm differs from the next and so does the orgasms of each owner. You simply can’t compare one to the other.

22: False, Most Men and Women still partake in self-love even when in a committed relationship.

What it means:

How did you score? When you break it down orgasms, while delightful, aren’t necessary for satisfaction or pleasure. When orgasms do happen, appreciate them for what they are and experiment with what feels best to you. The best orgasm of my life might feel too overwhelming or even too gentle for you. Enjoy the experience you have and stop being so competitive.

What’s your experience with orgasms or orgasm myths? Post Below In the Comments!

Well, don’t fear. I’m going to give you some ways to deal with three of most embarrassing bedroom [...]]]> There are some things that can ruin even the best screw. You know, the kind of things you dread your partner will tell all their friends about and you’ll pick up a fancy new nickname for.

Well, don’t fear. I’m going to give you some ways to deal with three of most embarrassing bedroom blunders. (Two for guys and one for girls.)

Noodle Dick:

You can’t get it up. You’ve been making out all night and she even tried giving you a strip tease and a blowjob. Close, but no cigar.

How To Deal: Relax. It’s most likely caused by something that’s going on mentally and producing a physical response. Sometimes, that’s not a terrible thing. Guilt, anxiety, or even fear can prevent you from getting it up.

If this is the case, it might take some soul-searching to figure out. Hey, maybe your dick is doing you a favor when you know you shouldn’t be messing around with this girl in the first place. Maybe you have a girlfriend, you don’t have a condom, or you don’t know her sexual health status.

If you still want to be intimate, you can always check out my blog on how to finger a girl.

But if this happens frequently and you’re afraid of having erectile dysfunction, you can try this simple trick to figure it out:

Head down to the post office and buy stamps that require you to lick the back of them in order for them to be adhesive. When you’re headed to bed, lick the stamps and place them in a ring around your penis. A healthy penis will have multiple erections during the night and cause the ring of stamps to break or fall off. If the ring is still perfectly intact in the morning, you should seek a medical health professional. If the ring is broken but you still continue to have problems, you should seek a medical health professional and a sexologist.

Queen LaQueefa:

He’s deep inside you and doing a damn fine job.  But when you let out a moan to show your appreciation, you hear an unpleasant vaginal fart accompaniment. Well sweetheart, welcome to the “I enjoy sex” club. This is initiation.

Most people are fully aware that when a man becomes sexually aroused their penis grows. However, many aren’t aware that women go through a similar process called “tenting”. At a resting state, a woman’s vagina is only 3 to 5 inches deep. But as she becomes aroused, her vagina grows and can reach 10’ inches deep when fully tented. So the better it feels, the more likely your vagina will expand to accommodate his penis and deep thrusting.

Needless to say your vagina can end up having better suction power than a Hoover.

If he is thrusting really hard, you’re aroused, and he unsuspectingly pulls out, your vagina will suck in all the air. And what goes in must unfortunately come out.

How to Deal: You can help prevent the suction by pushing out with your PC muscles and abdomen. It’s a similar move to the pushing you would use to try and deliver a baby. However, this can get a bit tiring during a long love-making session.

Another way to prevent queefing is by doing regular kegel exercises. You’ll know you’re using the right muscles if while urinating you stop and hold, and then continue urination again.

It’s still bound to happen at some point, the best way to deal with it is a little bit of humor. Guys are generally way less freaked out by it than women are. Do what you’re comfortable with, but don’t take yourself too seriously.

Quick-Dick:

Whether it’s blow jobs, hand jobs, or on the job, you feel like you come too quickly.

How To Deal:

The best way to work through this is by having a loving and understanding partner that can help you or that doesn’t mind waiting until the next time you can get it up. Not all of us are that fortunate, so here are a few ways to try to increase the time from stroke to blow.

• Try masturbating and when you feel like you’re close to coming, stop. Repeat this until you simply can’t stand it and reward yourself with an orgasm.

• Try kegels. By strengthening the PC muscles you can help control your orgasms (or at least have stronger ones). You’ll know you’re doing these properly if while you’re urinating you try it and it stops the flow, and if you release you begin urinating again.

• Try breathing, yes, breathing. It’s incredibly simple but it can help you focus your concentration on something other than your penis. It also increases blood flow and can lead to better orgasms.

• Try a numbing lube. Make sure it’s silicone based. ‘Nuff said.

• If all else fails you can try the pinch technique, though it might freak her out a bit. If you feel yourself coming, pull out and pinch the tip of your penis between the index and thumb finger of both of your hands.

Your small blunders are most likely not a serious issue and it’s okay not to treat them that way. Humor and communication can be helpful in every situation. So you came to quickly? Tell her “Baby, it’s just that I find you soooo attractive”. Can’t get it up? “I just want to please YOU tonight”. Queef during climax? “Maybe you shouldn’t have fucked me so hard”.

How do you react to those embarrassing moments? Post Below In The Comments!

That’s why I’m going to teach you where to touch her and [...]]]> The second her pants are off, you’re two fingers and three knuckles deep inside her. You’re moving your hand in spastic and rapid motions. If she’s lucky, you’re getting closer to where you’ve been told the g-spot is. But it shouldn’t be this way. 

That’s why I’m going to teach you where to touch her and how.  

But before you can touch her nether regions, you’ve got to know the landscape and geography. The video below will show you the basic roadmap. (Be warned that your partner might have a few different roads and shortcuts, or she might even drive backwards and on the right side of the road. It just makes her exotic.)

Click here to view the embedded video.

Once you know your way around, it’s best to start hanging out with the locals. Ask your girlfriend to masturbate for you, so you can see exactly how she does it. Does she put one, two, or any fingers inside of her? How many on her clit? How fast does she move her hands? Is it in circles?

This is where a lot of guys I know get lost. Either their girlfriend has never masturbated, or isn’t comfortable doing it in front of them. Your partner needs to know what gets her off (or at least want to find out) in order for this to be helpful. If she’s in for learning, then you can explore together.

So once you’ve got the map, and an attractive tour guide, it’s time to go spelunking!

Packing for the trip (Anticipation):

There’s nothing hotter than a girl really wanting you. When it comes to fingering a girl, it makes the experience more enjoyable for the both of you. Play up the anticipation by avoiding the two hot spots (clit and g-spot) until she can’t handle it anymore.

You can do this by massaging the inner and outer lips of the vagina or the mons veneris (where pubic hair may or may not be). One of the best positions for this is pulling her to the edge of the bed where her legs can hang over. You can then kneel down to match the level of her privates. For a little more control (and to protect your nose from breaking when she bucks like a mule) wrap your arms around her legs. This gives you great access for massaging. Also if she has a pillow behind her back, it gives her a great view, all the more to get turned on by you.

Kissing up and down her thighs and licking her labia will build the anticipation and work entirely to your advantage. As the anticipation builds, you can actually watch her vagina change shapes and colors. The lips will get fuller and may even turn a darker red. The important changes are happening on the inside though. The more turned on she is, the wetter she’ll get, allowing easier penetration. Arousal also increases the size and hardness of the g-spot, making it easier for you to find.

Fingering Techniques:

Once she’s ready, you can begin massaging either her clit or her g-spot. If you’re adventurous, you might even try both. The video below will show you some suggestions on how you can go about this. 

Remember that when she moans louder, it doesn’t mean go harder. Always start gentle and ask your partner what she wants along the way.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Other fun things you can do with your hands

Once you’ve got the basics down, here’s some advice on turning up the adventure

• If your partner is one of those girls who loves direct clit contact, place a huge glob of lube on your finger and place it directly on her clit. If her hood is large enough, you can slip your finger underneath it and rub in small delicate circles.

• If she’s still not used to the idea of ass play, you might be able to warm her up to the idea by touching her perineum. The small area of tissue that separates the vagina and the anus is packed with nerves and can be quite pleasurable if massaged. Start by gently caressing the lower part of her labia with a lubed thumb while you’re kissing or licking her clit. Slowly massage downward in big circles. If she likes it, she might ask you to go lower. 

You’re all set now

I hope this blog puts you a few steps closer to being a sexpert. You now know the female anatomy, its most sensitive parts, how to build up her anticipation, and how to properly finger a girl. You’ve also hopefully learned what not to do. If you know other people who could use this very useful information, stock up on your good karma and spread it around.

What more do you want to know? Got and tricks or tips for the rest of us? Post below in the comments!

These simple tips [...]]]> You’re curious and who could blame you? Her ass is totally uncharted territory. Much like the first explorers of Mount Everest, you’re anticipating the journey to either be the best of your life or fall deep into a deadly crevasse leading to your untimely death (or at least get slapped in the face).

These simple tips will help ensure the journey is a pleasurable one for her and for you.

For The Love Of (whichever deity you so choose), DO NOT:

• Go “From the stink to the pink”: This goes for your fingers, mouth, penis, or any other object. This can lead to very serious infections caused by E. Coli. Not only is it gross, it’ll lead to weeks of not getting laid while she’s taking antibiotics.

•  Do it dry: Use lube. Lots and lots of lube. Let’s just be frank about this one: asses aren’t stretchy and pliable like a vagina and they don’t produce their own moisture. The flesh there is thinner, so they’re prone to tearing. This can be lessened by the use of lube, but more than just what comes with the condom. (If you’re not convinced and decide to embark on this adventure without lube, I hope your girlfriend has the guts to forcibly shove something in your ass without lube. And if she doesn’t, I’ll find you and do it for her.)

DO:

•  Talk to her about it first: Communication is key. Make sure she’s comfortable with it first. The anus is a pretty good indicator of willingness, and if she’s not willing it’ll pucker tighter than the first time she tried bungee jumping. While a tight ass sounds hot in theory, it’s likely to result in pain for both of you. This step is probably the hardest part.

• Work your way up to it: Start by placing your finger on the outside of her anus and simply letting it rest there. This can add extra stimulation (especially if you’re taking her from behind) without diving right into the deep end. Once she’s comfortable with that, slowly place your finger inside of her during intercourse for a change of pace. Once you’re both comfortable, you can move on in size and depth.

Got any sexual things you’re totally anal about? Post below in the Comments!