How Do I Know if I've Had an Orgasm?

A lip bite, a blush, and an extra twenty heart beats a minute. You’re wet to the touch, but not dripping. The whimper never leaves your throat. Sure it feels good, but you’re yearning for more.

That’s it?

No scream, no moan, no toe curling or pillow bitting. Is it done? Does it get better? How do I know if I’ve had an orgasm?

Photo by vasagritarwow

I can’t tell you the answer, because you can’t compare one orgasm to another. It can’t be said that one person’s foot-cramp inducing orgasm is better or more pleasurable than someone else’s silent joy. I can share with you language and some experience in order to explore the root of the question, “Am I getting enough pleasure?”

What is an orgasm?

According to books and scholars, the word orgasm comes from the Greek word orgasmos which means excitement or swelling. Princeton University says it’s “the moment of most intense sexual pleasure in sexual intercourse”.

According to my friend, “It’s like my vagina has to sneeze. You know when you have to sneeze? It builds up, up, up, and then you actually go ACHOO. Like that.” Others said, “It feels like I have to pee really badly,” and “It feels like a wave crashing on me, but the water is hot.”

Orgasms according to my favorite bartender are easy to remember. “Oh, an orgasm? You get it on your back… No, no, wrong back. B.A.C.K. Bacardi, Amaretto, Cream, and Kahlúa. This is your last one on the house by the way.”

Orgasms have been correlated to quick cycles of muscle contraction in the lower pelvic region. As my 6th grade science teacher told me, correlation isn’t causation. Orgasms for me have also been correlated to things like screaming, tears, giggles, tiredness, increased heart rate, my favorite vibrator, no contractions, lots of contractions, and only a few of my partners. Regardless, every sexual experience I’ve had has a moment that I would consider to be the most intense.

I’ve asked a number of people what the height of their sexual experience feels like. Some use the word “cum” or “orgasm” to define it, others use “heat” “intensity” and “love”. Regardless of their description of what the “moment of most intense sexual pleasure” feels like, when asked “Does getting or being there feel good?” almost all of them said “Yes!”

So do orgasms matter?

Maybe. To me, pleasure matters more. I can’t give you the magic answer to tell if you’ve had an orgasm. Some say “When you do, you’ll be certain,” I say “Enjoy it for what it’s worth.” If something feels good, keep doing it. Your scale of pleasure simply doesn’t compare to anyone else’s. My most mind blowing experience might be a total yawn to you, so why try to say which is better?

Next time, instead of asking, “Was that an orgasm?”, ask “Am I getting enough pleasure?” If you’re enjoying it, keep it up. If you’re not, challenge yourself to find things that you enjoy. Regardless, if you continue to do the same thing, you’ll get the same results.

What does the moment of most intense sexual pleasure feel like to you? Post below in the comments!

kg17

November 14th, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Although all orgasms are great regardless of how you get there or have them, but for me I seem to experience two different kinds. One is a vaginal orgasm which I call cumming that I have from just vaginal stimulation whether it be from my bf penis, his hands, toys or whatever that feels really good like a wave of pleasure and release of sexual tension that usually is low in intensity but still good. Sometimes I can be completely satisfied only w vaginal orgasms. The other, the clitoral orgasms, which by far is my favorite, makes me feel as though I am being electricuted. Like a lightning bolt has just struck me right in the crotch and stems from my clitoris that sends waves of intensly pleasurable electricity throughout my whole body and my body involuntarily convulses as if I were REALLY being electrocuted, but in a good way. They usually last 30-45 seconds and sometimes are so intense that I cannot handle anymore and have to stop my partner or myself from continueing and usually leave my body so physically drained that Ill need to get some sleep soon after. Sometimes no matter how many times I cum vaginally I am not completely satisfied until I have had a clitoral orgasm and released ALL of that built up sexual tension. What is even more intense is after I have had a clitoral orgasm my boyfriend likes to penetrate me either during my orgasm or as close to completing that he can and my vagina is extremely sensitive inside and wet and feels really swollen and puffy inside. Sooo good but I cant handle too much of that so thankfully hes usually so excited by my pleasure he orgasms soon and we lie together completely drained, happy and fullfilled! Dont get me wrong, it hasnt always been this great or as easy as it sounds. We have had to work at it to get to this level. What helps me get there is if we are getting along, patience, caring, exploring & most definately being able to trust & share w him what I LIKE wo being judged. Sex is great, but having sex w someone you’re in love with is TOTALLY AWESOME!!!