How to Piss Her Off (in 400 Words or Less).

I’ve never seen a woman so pissed in my entire life. She barged into my apartment, hair knotted and mascara smeared. Her ravenous look seemed to suggest either she had just gotten out of a bar fight (which seemed improbable at 9:30 a.m.)  or her new boyfriend had been using her pony tails as handle bars.  I was relived that she hadn’t been in a fight, but I was shocked to hear the same complaint for the third time this week.

While the post-sex protocol will never make a man a hero, fuck it up and its guaranteed you won’t get a second chance.

Oversimplification:

A woman’s sexual gratification is based on emotion, a man’s on physical pleasure. It’s overly simple, but overwhelmingly true. Even if you’re able to communicate well enough to have pleasurable sex, how do you fight the battle of physical vs. emotional when it’s over?

Whether it’s a one-night stand or a ten-year marriage, here are a few things guys do that bother most women:

• Pull-out without saying anything
• Comment about how it was better/worse than a previous time
• Tell her you’re in a hurry
• Leave the condom laying around
• Flush the condom in the toilet
• Check your phone/e-mail/Facebook etc.
• Avoiding touching her and not cuddling
• Immediately getting dressed

Reasonably or not, women are usually more emotionally involved in sex than men.  Anything on the above list is seen as disrespectful and is generally followed by a very pissed girlfriend (or one-night stand). But there are two sides to every coin, it could be that instead of being disrespectful, maybe he’s:

• Got an oversensitive penis and finds it painful to be inside of someone.
• Trying to give feedback
• Late
• Just forgot the condom
• Didn’t know that condoms back up toilets
• Waiting for a very important call
• Incredibly overheated from thrusting and finds is too hot to cuddle
• Self-conscious and wants to cover up

If none of these things apply to you, avoid the first list. Not every woman will be upset that you did one of these things, but it’s safer not to take chances. After all, I know there’s three newly single men on the market to compete with.

While the post-sex protocol will never make a man a hero, fuck it up and its guaranteed you won’t get a second chance.

What pisses you off? Post in the Comments Below!