Be A Sexpert

Let’s be honest. I’ve spit in the holy water at one of the most sacred Catholic churches in the world, I make funny faces at my family members while their eyes are closed during Thanksgiving grace, and I’ve (unsuccessfully) tried getting off to the thought of Jesus and his mother Mary.  I’m not proud, but it’s true. So when I wound up praying with a stranger on an airplane, I thought something truly important could be learned about the power of unfamiliarity. While frightening, the different experiences strangers bring to the table can be very rewarding, and not just on scary airplane rides but during new sexual encounters as well.

My nerves were already on edge when the first flight I was scheduled on was grounded due to some sort of maintenance malfunction and my next flight departed perfectly late. The terrifying trip began with suitcases falling out of overhead bins due to unusually heavy turbulence, followed by me leaving permanent nail marks in the plastic covered arm rests, and a concerning noise (that resembled what I imagine whales humping during a chainsaw competition would sound like) coming from the right portion of the aircraft.

The older woman next to me looked at me in horror. “That worries me.” Without saying another word, her watery eyes gave away her story about the arrival of a third grandchild and the recent loss of her husband.

With each bump, grind, fallen bag, and gasped breath, we appreciated. We longed for the things we already had: our beds, food, families, and even our nine-to-fives. It was as though each bump enhanced our quality of living. Put in the face of threat, our completely standard lives seemed extravagant.

The fragile older woman next to me asked me to pray with her. Normally I’d be offended by her lack of cultural awareness and her assumption that our society is as Judeo-Christian as our politicians pretend, but instead I choked down my cultural snobbery. This seemed like a sincere ask for help and my tactic of trying to claw my hands into the armrests wasn’t providing any relief.

I prayed with her. In my mind, God was a more attractive version of Alanis Morissette, skipping through the clouds and drinking white wine straight from the bottle; I prayed nonetheless.

The flight continued bumping and grinding all the way. We landed safely and all the wide-eyed passengers who were making pacts with God about all the wrongs they would right became forgetful with the smell of Cinnabon saturating the airport.

Now on steady ground, I find that the experience taught me a few things that may or may not have everything to do with sex and strangers:

1. When you’ve tried everything you can think of to get a desired result, and you’re still not getting the outcome you want, a new tactic can’t hurt.
2. You’re more willing to try something new when you realize you have no control over the outcome anyways.
3. When someone asks you to try something their way, it’s probably because it’s worked for them in the past, and it’s with good intentions.
4. Appreciation of what you’ve already got, makes what you’ve already got exactly what you want.
5. When a stewardess says she has a long lay over before her next flight and she likes your leather boots, she’s not just being polite.

Okay, so the last one was just to brag.

What are some life lessons that you can apply to your sex life? Post in the Comments Below!

“I hear the carpet matches the curtains.”

She said it directly, a smile barely escaping from a tongue that kept wagging across the front of her teeth. It was flirty the first two times, but by the third she started to look like a German Shepherd with peanut butter stuck to the roof of its mouth.

Genuine Fire Crotch

“I put hardwood flooring in a long time ago.” I’m embarrassed. My canned answer of shaving never satisfies and is partially a lie.I should’ve been more offended, but she wasn’t unattractive. I’ve grown used to it, having red hair evokes questions from people in almost every social situation. You’d think between the invention of google and xtube people wouldn’t need to probe a redhead in real life. But there’s just something about us that makes people yearn for proof of colored pubes (similar to Bigfoot, but less rare and much more mystical).

My older brother’s friends started calling me names before I even had fuel for the fire that would soon be on my “crotch”, a word that has since disgusted me. It reminded me of wrinkly grandma armpits, sweat, and something sickly. I didn’t know what was between my legs, but if it was a grandma’s armpit on fire I was sure as hell going to get rid of it.

I didn’t know what the fire was or how to put it out, so my pubes enjoyed about 6 months of freedom directly after puberty. Then I had my first experience with nudity and the opposite sex. I remember hearing “look her pubes are red!” The obvious statement seemed a lot more threatening as a 13-year-old girl. I vowed to never play strip poker again (which actually only lasted a year) then I shaved every pubic hair I could find (which lasted for seven years).

I’ve recently come to terms with the packaged deal of being a redhead: glow-in-the-dark white skin, bubble-gum colored areolas, freckles, and what could be considered an allergy to the sun. My seven-year shave streak was probably a little dramatic, but it wasn’t all about my fiery crotch. The completely bare look has become more and more popular, as I’ve become less and less attached to it. I’m still not prepared to let the fire get out of hand, but I like to keep a little bit burning.

I’m more comfortable about being a redhead than I’ve ever been. But just because I’m comfortable, does not mean you should ask me about my pubic hair (especially in public). For the last time, YES, all redheads are born as interior designers and the carpet matches the curtains.

What sex question do you always get? Post Below in the Comments!

I’ve never seen a woman so pissed in my entire life. She barged into my apartment, hair knotted and mascara smeared. Her ravenous look seemed to suggest either she had just gotten out of a bar fight (which seemed improbable at 9:30 a.m.)  or her new boyfriend had been using her pony tails as handle bars.  I was relived that she hadn’t been in a fight, but I was shocked to hear the same complaint for the third time this week.

While the post-sex protocol will never make a man a hero, fuck it up and its guaranteed you won’t get a second chance.

Oversimplification:

A woman’s sexual gratification is based on emotion, a man’s on physical pleasure. It’s overly simple, but overwhelmingly true. Even if you’re able to communicate well enough to have pleasurable sex, how do you fight the battle of physical vs. emotional when it’s over?

Whether it’s a one-night stand or a ten-year marriage, here are a few things guys do that bother most women:

• Pull-out without saying anything
• Comment about how it was better/worse than a previous time
• Tell her you’re in a hurry
• Leave the condom laying around
• Flush the condom in the toilet
• Check your phone/e-mail/Facebook etc.
• Avoiding touching her and not cuddling
• Immediately getting dressed

Reasonably or not, women are usually more emotionally involved in sex than men.  Anything on the above list is seen as disrespectful and is generally followed by a very pissed girlfriend (or one-night stand). But there are two sides to every coin, it could be that instead of being disrespectful, maybe he’s:

• Got an oversensitive penis and finds it painful to be inside of someone.
• Trying to give feedback
• Late
• Just forgot the condom
• Didn’t know that condoms back up toilets
• Waiting for a very important call
• Incredibly overheated from thrusting and finds is too hot to cuddle
• Self-conscious and wants to cover up

If none of these things apply to you, avoid the first list. Not every woman will be upset that you did one of these things, but it’s safer not to take chances. After all, I know there’s three newly single men on the market to compete with.

While the post-sex protocol will never make a man a hero, fuck it up and its guaranteed you won’t get a second chance.

What pisses you off? Post in the Comments Below!

Over the past 10 weeks I’ve been teaching a series of workshops called “Sex with Billie Becker.” (Calm down, it’s supposed to sound risqué.) I’ve taught about sex toys, erotic massage, anal sex, and other popular topics—or so I thought. I’ve been surprised to find that workshops that involve stimulation of the penis get twice the amount of attendees. So why are cock workshops so much more appealing?  I have no idea, so why not guess?

• Stimulating a penis is more difficult, so more people come to learn how.

This couldn’t possibly be true. Sure, it can be difficult to figure out what your partner likes; no two people are a like. But for the majority of men the equation is pretty simple. (For the math nerds: Lube + Grip + Back and Forth Motion = Orgasm.) No, it doesn’t always work that way. Yes, there’s potential for other types of orgasms: stronger, weaker, longer, an ejaculation without one. When it comes down to it though, there’s not a lot of mystery.

• Pussies are easy to please, so less people come.

No way. The female anatomy is like a labyrinth made out of Rubik’s cubes. Not only are we taught the entirely wrong way to pleasure them (Force + Girth + Speed + Depth Inside Vagina ≠ Pleasure), but they’re always changing. What feels good once might not feel good again. Or maybe it will. Or maybe she’ll only want one very specific type of stimulation. Jesus, we’re really over our heads here.

• Heterosexual females find me incredibly attractive and want to attend workshops that pertain to cocks to hide their curiosity.

While it’s nice to dream, even I have to admit it’s not very plausible.

• It’s cool to learn how to suck dick, but not cool to learn how to lick clit.

Ouch. It breaks my heart that this seems all too likely. Amongst my guy friends I hear, “ Man, I’ve gotten SO much ass this month it’s incredible!” Amongst my lady friends it’s more like, “He made me cum so hard! I gave him the best blowjob ever after that.” What’s the difference? Quality vs. Quantity: the age-old debate.

So why do workshops about cocks get so many more people to come?

Because people who suck dick are probably more interested in quality than quantity. But it’s all backwards; if women are interested in quality and men are interested in quantity, why are women sluts for having lots of sex and men aren’t as expected to perform well?

I may never find the answer. In the meantime, I’ll keep dreaming about that third option. (Hey, you never know what curious straight girls will do.)

Why are dicks so much more fun to learn about? Post your thoughts below in the comments!

Erotic massage might be a politically correct way of saying fingering a girl or giving a hand job, but it includes one of the most powerful tools of sexual prowess: anticipation.

There are few things that can affect everything we do; anticipation is one of them. It kept you awake on Christmas Eve when you were six, it made you puke before your first big game in high school, and now I’m going to show you how to wield the power of anticipation to become better in bed. So grab your sexy significant other and find out how to take pleasure into your own hands.

The key to pulling this off is not giving the person you’re with what they want right away.

Setting the Stage:

Communication: If you’ve ever come to the close of a romantic date to find the person you’re with punching you in the arm and calling you bud, you’ve already discovered why this is so important. Imagine that feeling magnified a thousand times when the two of you are on different pages about what type of massage you’re offering. Be clear about the desired outcome.

What you’ll need:

• Massage Oil: Be careful of nut allergies. Note that some people prefer coconut oil or massage creams to the messy traditional massage oils (other people find the oily mess a turn on). Picking out the perfect oil could make a romantic prelude to the massage.

• Water Based Lubricant: This is necessary for genital massage. Oils and lotions break down condoms compromising their safety.

• Towels: If it goes right, this will get messy.

• Pillows: For comfort. Women typically feel more comfortable if there are pillows placed under her knees while she’s lying on her back, and under her ankles while on her stomach.

• Heat: There’s nothing worse than a cold massage. You want the room you’re working in to be hot enough that you both feel comfortable being naked (I’ve been told the magic number is 75ºF). It’s also important to make sure the room is warm so that if the person your massaging is male, his testicles don’t retreat from the cold by sucking up into his body, making genital massage difficult and unpleasant.

Body Massage:

It’s important to start every erotic massage with body massage. Rubbing your partner down in oil increases sexual anticipation for both of you. Body massage also allows your partner to become comfortable with your touch and take you seriously. I consider myself a sexual finesse entrepreneur, but even I couldn’t my contain laughter if my boyfriend went from a kiss to trying out the “slip-n-slide”. (Watch the video for a how-to).

There is also a school of thought that believes you can make someone orgasm without ever touching their genitals through body massage. While this isn’t possible for everyone, who doesn’t love a challenge?

Explore all the parts of the body, but pay special attention to the feet and ankles of your female partner, and the buttocks of the male. Long, slow, deep strokes are key.

Genital Massage:

Watch the video below for a few suggestions on techniques. Keep in mind, however, that every person is different; the suggestions are merely suggestions. Keep talking with your partner to find out what feels good.

(Talking can be sexy, just throw in some extra adjectives and use your porn voice, for example: “You’re so fucking (adjective), how does my (adjective), (adjective), (body part) feel?”).

A good rule of thumb is to go softer than you think with women and harder than you think with men.

Find your own style:

In the video I name a few of my techniques, but there’s and infinite number of ways to get some one off. Try finding new ways to build anticipation and play with those hot spots.

Got any great techniques or names? Share your sexpertise! Post Below In The Comments!

Growing up I heard a lot of rumors about the effects of masturbation: God will kill a cute baby animal, you won’t be a virgin anymore, you’ll bleed, and (my personal favorite) you’ll use up all your orgasms. While none of these are necessarily true, there are some grave consequences to masturbation with certain materials, ranging from yeast infections to cancer. Read this article because knowledge is sexy (and so is protecting yourself and your partner from cervical cancer).

DANGER!

Phthalates: This is usually a very life-like material and can be easily spotted by the use of the word “Skin” after another word such as “Cyber”, “Real”, or “New”, etc. It’s commonly used in life-like dildos and male masturbators. Contact with these materials has been directly correlated to cancer. This material is so toxic the FDA has banned it from children’s toys and dog toys. These products are distinguishable by their pungent chemical scent, so if it smells like a new shower curtain stay away! These companies can get away with putting phthalates in sex toys by marking them “Novelty Only”, implying they don’t intend customers to use them. Don’t use these products as they’re very dangerous! (If you absolutely have to use one, wear a condom or put one on the object.)

Sugar: Yes suckers are sexy, but you should never turn one into a pussy pop. Sugar can lead to yeast infections. Yeast infections lead to pain, antibiotics, and a strict no sex policy. There’s nothing sexy about that. So next time, go for a whip cream bra instead of a full-on bikini.

Hollow Glass: Beer and wine bottles simply aren’t safe. While it might seem appropriate to chase your favorite booze with the phallic bottle that comes with it, glass bottles are easily broken and can severely damage your insides.

Dirty: If you can’t sterilize it, clean it, or cover it with a condom, it should never be put inside of you or your partner. This can lead to unhealthy bacteria entering the body and potentially lead to infection. This is especially true if someone else has used it or it’s going from bum to vag. You can get sexually transmitted infections from sharing sex toys.

Sharp: This is a pretty obvious one, but let’s not leave it out. Don’t put sharp things in, on, or around you or your partner.

Get Lost: The anus is an incredible cavity. One of the reasons it’s so interesting is that it performs magic disappearing acts. If you’re going to put something in your anus make sure it has a wide base, otherwise you might end up visiting a doctor to fight that evil anal magic and retrieve your beloved object.

What to do instead?
- Always cover anything that’s being put on or in you or your partners body with a condom.
- Buy sex toys from companies who take their products and your health seriously. (You can check out my personal favorites on my products page.)
- Keep masturbating.

I’ve never seen a kitten drop dead after jilling off, but I have noticed: heightened mood, relief of stress, and a big smile. Keep getting off, just don’t do it with anything on the list above.

Post in the Comments Below!

Every living thing goes to incredible lengths to get laid. You might find it strange that ducks rape other ducks, birds of paradise clean and dance, and flatworms actually fence with their penises. But what the females of our own species do is equally eyebrow raising.

Traced back to at least Egyptian times, women began wearing make-up to increase their attractiveness. Now the cosmetic market is one of the largest in the world. What’s all the fuss about? And why do we find those bright red lips and dark eyelashes so damn appealing?

Transformation

Men are very aware of the physical changes that take place during their arousal (as a matter of fact, another large market is based around just how big that change is). But the subtle transformation that occurs in women doesn’t draw much attention, so we’ve taken it upon ourselves to make sure it’s not missed – even if we’re not aroused.

Entrancing eyes

That deer in the headlights stare of hers is no coincidence. The pupils of the eyes dilate during arousal, making her gaze dark and deep. To mock this sultry look, women have started using mascara and eyeliner. By darkening her eyelids and lashes, she’s presenting herself in the aroused state. This might be why guys commonly find women more attractive with make-up on. Surely this is reciprocated by girls always wanting a rock-hard guy. Neither is really that practical.

A Blushing Bride

Her level of sexual experience doesn’t actually matter, as any horny Bride will blush. During arousal and intercourse, both lovers blood circulation increases. For women, this is usually most visible in her cheeks after an orgasm. While you might assume she’s blushing from all the dirty things you did to her, this isn’t always the case. It is however, a good sign that she’s turned on. To mock this look, women wear an appropriately named make-up called blush. It makes the cheeks appear red, feigning a level of heightened arousal.

Red Lips.

You may have guessed I’m not talking about a woman’s mouth. Much like a penis, the labia become engorged with blood during arousal. The increased blood flow can change the color of the labia to a darker red. So when women wear bright red lipstick, you unconsciously think about her other set of lips. It’s no surprise that the two most popular types of lipstick turn a woman’s lips either red, or give them a glossy-wet shine.

Give Her What She Wants

Make-up has become a large part of many women’s lives. Their perceived attractiveness is heightened because they’re mocking an aroused state. Most men react to this while neglecting to notice the natural changes that take place during arousal, making it more difficult to pick up on them in the future. So the next time you’re upset about your girlfriend taking too long to get ready, have sex instead of complaining. After all, it might take less time and give you both the desired result.